Attachment Vs Detachment- Relationship Edition

Attachment vs Detachment. Negligence of self in a relationship

*Disclaimer when I mention the word relationship, this includes friendships, platonic and romantically, parents and children, anyone who you share a bond with. 

In my original post I spoke about attachment vs detachment as an overall theme and now I am going to be specific about this topic but in relationships

Attachment is a form of dependence and naturally, in a relationship this is shared between two people. Because we are so inquisitive about an individual other than ourselves, we try to gain as much knowledge as we can. But, when we attach a strong attachment to someone it can lead us away from our own truth because we are encapsulated in their world.

When we love someone wholeheartedly whether platonic or romantic we get blindsided to the reality that is in front of us because we are emotionally attached to the individual and the situation. We are so committed to a person that we are unwilling to accept the things going wrong and the values/morals we don’t stand for.

Simone Weil sums attachment perfectly she says “Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached. ”

I believe we’ve been misinterpreting the meaning behind detachment for a long time now. When we think of the word detach or detachment, our first response is distance, ghosting someone and being closed off. But, that’s not it. You can be detached in a relationship and still do the things you naturally do with each other.  When you put all your happiness, expectation and love in another person, when they leave, you will suffer the consequence and feel empty and lost. This is because you were dependant on them for everything. It then begins a conversation on why were you so attached. Is there a void you’re missing and that person ‘complete’ it..

I’m not saying to be cynical of all your relationships, I in fact, encourage you to love and be passionate wholeheartedly.It is not until you are neglecting the self, is where detachment is required.

Ultimately the messages I want to share is:

  • Be independent in your relationship
  • Don’t take things too personally
  • Detachment is healthy
  • Do not neglect yourself

 

I would love to hear your opinions on attachment and detachment. Let me know in the comment section.

 

Stay Grounded X

Can Vulnerability Make You Stronger?

Naturally, we are built on survival mode. When we were primitive humans we were built to survive against danger. This behaviour has been ingrained in us for many years, to the point we rely on this survival mode to hide what we truly believe.

Being vulnerable is not fun. We don’t want to be prey to someone’s power. But, feelings are ok. Letting your guard down and being truthful with your emotions without masking it in survival mode is ok. In a recent post, I talk about how experiencing feelings are totally normal, the deeper the emotion the more connected you feel to it.

When we have this pretence of being strong, we don’t allow new people to fully connect with us and/or have true connections with people we already know. This feeling can be accumulated from a lot of things past experience, trauma, heartbreak however, these feelings don’t have to hinder us in the present with the relationships we have with people. Letting your guard down is kind of sexy…I know what you’re thinking, sexy? really? If you think about it, vulnerability is courageous and we commend people who do so. Vulnerability is healing, it’s about healing from your past self. It can lead to healthier relationships, better communication and more of an understanding of yourself and others. When people let their guard down you see them in a different light, you feel more connected to them, as they are showing you a deeper part of who they are.

I don’t really have any solid tips on how to become more vulnerable as I believe it’s a personal journey and everyone has their own experience with dealing with it. Nevertheless, I do believe it can make you stronger and have healthier relationships. I guess what I’m saying is, just be aware of the walls you’ve built and slowly start to let them down with the people you trust and love. You’ll soon realise it’s not as scary as you think.

 

Stay Grounded X

FEELINGS + YOU = 100% HUMAN

If you experience any emotions, well my friend. Congratulations you are 100% human!

 

We currently live in a world where positivity is at an ultimate high and almost makes you feel discouraged if you’re not happy 24/7.
We are human and as humans, we are taught to feel emotions. Emotions are good. Emotions are our minds reacting to things we’ve experienced and from that reaction, we determine whether it was an enjoyable experience or sparked a feeling that didn’t sit with us as well. If you try to be happy 24/7 you will eventually burn out. In a culture that prides itself on not catching feelings, we ultimately remain untruthful to ourselves and has a damaging effect on our mindset.
When I feel an emotion coming on based off an experience that I didn’t like, instead of trying to cover it up and distract myself. I sit with the feeling, I work out why am I reacting in this way, I allow my whole body to feel this emotion. I find ways to express how I feel, mainly through journalling and I note down what has taken place, my reaction to it and how I can move forward in a healthy manner.
I don’t sit with the feeling for too long because that’s when you enter the downward spiral. of overthinking. Once I find an answer, I release this emotion and work on finding a way to bring myself back to a high vibe.

 
For me, feeling my emotions first and reacting later to a situation, helps me diffuse any experience I have towards a person, place or thing. When you react off instinct you can later find yourself regretting something you’ve said. Removing myself and looking at it from a wider perspective enables me to approach in a healthy way.
So, next time you feel betrayal, hurt, anger, confused or any other emotion, sit with the feeling, what is this feeling, what is it telling you and how can you move forward in a healthy manner that benefits you.

 

Stay Grounded X

KNOCK DOWN YOUR WALLS

The thoughts we condition ourselves to believe can be more harmful than good. Inside I talk about knocking down your walls and gaining your power back

Our belief system stems from our old habits and thoughts that are repeated over and over again until it’s ingrained in our system. The good, the bad and the ugly are stored in our brain and the pattern we’ve become conditioned to, keeps us ‘safe’. I put the word safe in quotation marks because in hindsight it actually does not keep us safe but affects our experience because we are trapped in the thoughts and habits that don’t work for us but that is all we know.

I am currently reading the Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer for the second time and there is a chapter that sparked inspiration for me. He speaks about a house, a house that is made up of 4 walls and a roof, all around you the walls are filled with your consciousness, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. There is no light, just darkness but, it’s ok because you enjoy this, it is comforting for you. You don’t step beyond the darkness because the certainty of the unknown keeps you. However, you do know that there is natural light outside but you are afraid to step into it.

Now if we think about it, this is how our mind is set up, what we know has slowly stopped us from reaching the other side due to our ego, emotions and thought patterns taking over. This feeling blocks us from the infinite light and abundance that is calling us. For us to reach the infinite light, we need to stand up to the 4 walls, we need to acknowledge what is holding us back, feel the emotion, understand that it no longer works for us and moves past them.

A great quote Micheal said is ‘’You must realize that when you defend yourself, you are really defending your walls. What you are defending is the house you built to protect yourself’’.

Now that gave me shivers!

We need to do intensive work to find solutions that do not keep us trapped and in the defending mode but to move in building a structure that benefits us in a healthy way. When we change our outlook we attract healthy lifestyles, self worth and healthy relationships into our lives.

Stay Grounded X

WHAT IS A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY?

Do you want more out of life but don’t know how to execute it. A spiritual journey just might be what your’e looking for. Find out what a spiritual journey is and how it can work for you.

A spiritual journey or spiritual awakening is used interchangeably to describe a journey of old patterns that no longer serve you and has you wanting to move out of that space and into a new one. It’s about taking charge of your life and living your truth. When embarking on this journey it can bring up some feelings and memories you might have blocked, suppressed or haven’t felt before, these feelings make you acknowledge and work on changing these old patterns so they no hold you back in your new sphere.

Each spiritual journey is unique to individuals but the ultimate goal is working through the patterns that hinder your life. You might be thinking how do I know if I am called towards something different? You’ll start to question your current reality and wanting more. Below I collated a few ways in which your soul wants to move in a new direction

  • You want more out of life. You might want something to change drastically in your life but you don’t know what
  • You are conscious that this version of your life no longer serve you
  • You feel a bit lost in life
  • You are having more conscious awareness of your negative habits and thoughts
  • You want to deeply understand who you are

I’m currently embarking on my own spiritual journey and was one of the reasons why I felt compelled to write this post. I started by answering some question I wrote for myself. And let me tell you it was the hardest thing to do, acknowledging my vulnerability in a way I have never done before. I knew all the answers subconsciously but I just did not want to face it, so I suppress it and suppress it. These questions enabled me to understand why I think the way I do, it helps me understand and recognise the root of the cause. The awakening I want, won’t happen overnight but if I keep reminding myself of the beautiful end goal through this awakening, present me will understand why I have to go through this challenging but rewarding journey.

Below are 10 questions I asked myself at the beginning of my journey. You don’t have to answer all 10, you can pick out the ones that resonate with you or you can complete all 10 questions. Remember to be as detailed as possible. You’ll find more truth hidden in between the lines than what is on the surface.

What are you afraid of?

Why are you scared of failure?

Do you feel like you express enough love to yourself?

Do you respect yourself?

Are you a good example for those around me?

Do the people in your life add value?

Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?

What experiences have not healed your heart?

How would your life be if you did not have any fear or self-doubt?

When was the last time you were truly proud of yourself?

Please keep me updated if you are currently on a spiritual journey, just started or ultimately finished and want to share your journey.

Stay Grounded X

HOW TO DETOX THE MIND


Earlier this week I did a post about detoxing and I left it pretty open in how you might want to detox.
In this post, I want to go into more depth about how to detox your mind. The brain is the most complex organ and with that, our mind is repeatedly filled with knowledge, our ego, unnecessary things, trauma, memories, and many more complicated topics. And we allow our minds to take over and exaggerate what we think, to the point we start to believe the stories we tell ourselves. A habit that most of us do, including myself is to keep all of our worries and anxieties cooped up in our mind, out of fear of being vulnerable or feeling uncomfortable, so we let it manifest in our head. This is how overthinking is formed and it plays a big role in how we perceive situations externally.

Now I don’t have all the answers to detoxing your mind, but I certainly know this; It starts and ends with you. Only you can regain the power in letting go of this limiting habit that has taken a toll on you.

Some useful ways and reminders in detoxing your mind for the better:

Speak to someone:
There is always support wherever you go but you won’t know that until you open up. Seek out the people in your life who you trust and tell them your anxieties and fears. You will feel much better when you’ve expressed how you feel.

No quick fix:
Understand detoxing your mind is not a quick fix, you had years and years programming this belief in your brain and it won’t go overnight. But, by recognising these limiting qualities you have and spending time actively changing the story in your head to the point that you believe it, that’s when you will see a real difference.

The ego:
It’s your ego that is creating these false perceptions and realities that keep your brain working overtime. The ego has this thing where it tries to come up with this would of, should of solution and from that, you dwell on the past and try to change what has gone.

Write your worries down:
Writing down what is keeping you in a locked mindset enables you to take what is in your head and physically see it on paper. A place where you can separate your emotions and reflect on what you want to eliminate.

Let go:
Let go of any trauma, past memories that no longer have a place in your mind. Allow that experience to help you move on by thanking the experience and letting it go with love

Remove external factors:
I always say this but if there is something in your physical space that no longer needs to be there. Get rid of it. This could be objects that remind you of something, people who you want to distance away from or move on. When your physical space is balanced so is your mind.

Digital detox:
We are always on our phones and we get the most information from there but, all that information can actually be detrimental to our health if we are consuming the wrong stuff. Cut down on the things you consume via technology, this can be the people you follow on social media, social media as a whole or limiting your time on the most frequent technology you use.

Stay Grounded X

The Perks Of A Detox

Is there an area that is no longer uplifting you? Find out why taking a detox can benefit you.

A detox or a cleanse is all about lessening the amount of energy you put into something as it starts to have a negative effect on your mind, body, and soul. It’s a sign to release all the toxins that no longer uplift you. When we are caught up in the negative toxic state, we get unhappy, we start to compare ourselves to others and we suppress the person we truly are and before you know it you are in a complete rut.
Detox or cleanse is the step before you completely burn out, by stepping back and observing your patterns, you are able to alter the energy you put into something and turn it into something that makes you feel good.
Is there something in your life that perhaps you need to take a cleanse from, step back and observe what no longer uplifts you and start the process of removing it from your life.

Quote of the week: ”Find the ultimate balance that brings you inner peace” – The Grounded Tree

To view last weeks inspiration of the week click here

When Is It The Right Time To Let Go

Are you ready to move forward?

Change is something constant that always happens in our life but we get very complacent in our ways and are reluctant to leave our current situation out of fear, comfortability or the uncertainty.
We’ve all been in this situation, more often than we like to admit but there comes a time where this thing feels like dead weight, it’s become more like a chore or it doesn’t serve you, this is moment you have to ask yourself are you ready to up level and leave it behind or still be stuck in the mundane position, questioning what it’s like on the other side. Perhaps it’s a relationship, career, bad habits but it needs to be gone and only you can decide whether you want to move forward or remain in the same position.

The fear of not knowing or not coping is something that as human we will always think about but, honestly, what is the worst thing that can happen, if this current situation doesn’t suit you can always go back ( in some context) or you can see this as a lesson and try an alternative. There really isn’t a thing such as failing or a failure because there are millions of alternatives and what did not work, was a lesson to take with you in the future.

The question you now have to ask yourself is…… Are you ready?

Stay Grounded X

A Moment Of Silence

How to find the blissful moments of doing absolutely nothing

Inspiration of the week

Have you ever been so busy that the minute you take some time to rest, you feel guilty about not doing the never-ending to-do list and then you panic and try to run to your nearest thing that needs completing. Well, I am here to tell you that not everything needs to be done right away and it’s time to start seizing the moments of doing absolutely nothing and not feeling guilty about it.

This week If you have a moment to yourself, just embrace the moment and that means doing absolutely nothing until it feels right to move forward. Don’t let your thoughts interrupt you with the feeling of guilt, see your thoughts like clouds moving along and before you know it, those feelings are gone.

Quote of the week: ‘’The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it’’- Richard Bach

To view last weeks inspiration of the week click here

Listen To Your Body

What does it mean to listen to your body?

Inspiration of the week

You create a to-do list and you have every intention to get everything ticked off the list but a few minutes later you end up curled up in bed because your body is exhausted.

Listening to your body is an indication of how you feel physically and mentally and it shouldn’t be ignored. In order to perform your best, you need to let your body repair and rest, even if that means not getting everything done on your to-do list and taking some time out for yourself. If your body is telling you to binge watch Netflix all day, don’t wait on your thoughts to confirm whether this is the right or wrong thing to do, move without deciding or pondering on the thought; go with the flow and don’t feel apologetic for it.

This week I want you to just listen to your body. What is it telling you? What does it need? Take some time to relax and slow down, You’ll be very surprised by the answer you’ll receive.

Quote of the week: ” You can’t enjoy life if you’re not nourishing your body”-Tracey Gold

To view last weeks inspiration of the week click here