Attachment Vs Detachment- Relationship Edition

*Disclaimer when I mention the word relationship, this includes friendships, platonic and romantically, parents and children, anyone who you share a bond with. 

In my original post I spoke about attachment vs detachment as an overall theme and now I am going to be specific about this topic but in relationships

Attachment is a form of dependence and naturally, in a relationship this is shared between two people. Because we are so inquisitive about an individual other than ourselves, we try to gain as much knowledge as we can. But, when we attach a strong attachment to someone it can lead us away from our own truth because we are encapsulated in their world.

When we love someone wholeheartedly whether platonic or romantic we get blindsided to the reality that is in front of us because we are emotionally attached to the individual and the situation. We are so committed to a person that we are unwilling to accept the things going wrong and the values/morals we don’t stand for.

Simone Weil sums attachment perfectly she says “Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached. ”

I believe we’ve been misinterpreting the meaning behind detachment for a long time now. When we think of the word detach or detachment, our first response is distance, ghosting someone and being closed off. But, that’s not it. You can be detached in a relationship and still do the things you naturally do with each other.  When you put all your happiness, expectation and love in another person, when they leave, you will suffer the consequence and feel empty and lost. This is because you were dependant on them for everything. It then begins a conversation on why were you so attached. Is there a void you’re missing and that person ‘complete’ it..

I’m not saying to be cynical of all your relationships, I in fact, encourage you to love and be passionate wholeheartedly.It is not until you are neglecting the self, is where detachment is required.

Ultimately the messages I want to share is:

  • Be independent in your relationship
  • Don’t take things too personally
  • Detachment is healthy
  • Do not neglect yourself

 

I would love to hear your opinions on attachment and detachment. Let me know in the comment section.

 

Stay Grounded X

2 thoughts on “Attachment Vs Detachment- Relationship Edition

  1. I’m at the stage in my relationship where I need detachment but I’m concerned that once I detach, I may not love the same ever again. It won’t feel intentional anymore, the love won’t feel worth it to me if my heart isn’t fully in it. You seem like someone on the other side, what do you think of all this? I know there something I’m missing. The roots that keep me grounded are so strong that those who wish to experience me will have to suffer just to get some affection from me because I’ll be fuelling most of it into myself. I always feel a life partner should get the best of me and detachment feels like watering it down.

    1. Hi Jiyu, thanks for your honesty. My first question to you is, what would stop you from loving others less? When detaching from someone it’s not you capping your love at a certain level meaning that you won’t ever love again. Detachment is having that protective bubble around you that separates between yourself and another person before it gets very codependent.
      It’s great that you’re pumping this energy into yourselves and I think the more love you give to yourself, the more you can feel secure in loving a partner without it being watered down.
      My second question would be, are you anxious about what the unknown would bring?

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